Q: Our daughter called us last week. She and her husband are having a hard time financially, and she wants to move back home with our 1-year-old granddaughter while her husband seeks a job in another state! We know getting a job is difficult, but we do not know how long it will take for him to secure one.

A major question is how long should we be responsible for caretaking? We love our family, but how will this financially and emotionally affect us? Can we take the pressure? Our daughter works part time. Do you have some suggestions that could be helpful?

A: It is almost impossible to turn down family members when they need your help. However, before you make a commitment, set up businesslike ground rules to make the process easier. One of the most important stipulations is that both you and your husband are in full agreement that letting them stay is the right thing to do. You both must be willing to cooperate with the new arrangement. Set a time limit for their stay before they move in, but be prepared if they need to extend it. Make sure the family understands your home is not a freebee and hotel.

As you well know, even with reasons they can understand, if you decide not to take them into your home, there could be the possibility of a lifetime of resentment.

Ask for a financial contribution to make sure your home is not just a drop site. If your daughter becomes unhappy, assure her that she can leave at her convenience. Make sure you are not full-time baby sitters as you have already had that experience. Hopefully, your daughter can make a small financial contribution to your family budget to help pay for any sitters.

When both men and women agree to marry, it becomes their responsibility for their keep. As responsible parents, it is obvious your family wants to be together and will make every effort to do so. Hopefully, your son-in-law will find a job quickly and reunite with his family. Good luck!

Q: Our parents are in their late 70s. Dad is seriously ill and mom is not up to full-time caretaking. As a family with five adult siblings, we are beginning our search for the best assisted living facility. We live in a high cost state and affordability is an issue. We all live in nearby areas. We can all be available to keep tabs on them and would like to find a location that makes it work. Do you have a checklist to help guide us?

A: Your first question is regarding the facility's admission requirements. Is the staff friendly and kind to the patients and do they know their names? Are single rooms affordable? On weekends and holidays, is a medical staff member on duty? Does the facility allow the family 24-hour access to their relative? Are facilities on site to help and aid physical therapy? Is physical therapy regularly scheduled?

Other good questions worth checking: Is a registered nurse always available? Is there a nearby hospital relationship?

After your parents become patients, remember unannounced visits will keep the staff more alert.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com.