Q: Last week at the clubhouse, I heard three women talking about practicing "mindfulness." Having caught just a few snatches of the conversation, I became interested, but I felt like a dummy because I did not know what the word meant. Is it some kind of religion?

A: Historically, this technique does have some basis in early Buddhism, but today the word is being interpreted as a reference/buzzword to encourage individuals to rethink the relationship between their mental and physical being. The goal is to disconnect yourself from your subconscious mind, with all of its past memories and conditioning, and learn to focus on your current moment.

The purpose is to lessen personal stress and help keep you calmer. The major challenge is to eliminate multitasking and to concentrate one's energies on only one thought or issue at a time. Most people process thousands of self-talk messages every day, which can become difficult.

To succeed, goal seekers choose to accept in order to cope with life and eliminate worry. They try not to be concerned with what did or did not happen and quit the whining. They learn to eliminate multitasking by completing an individual task before facing a new one. Peace and harmony will result. Try it. It works!

Q: Since our retirement, my husband has lost a lot of his patience and has become a cranky old man. Now when something goes wrong, he blames me and won't let me forget it. What happened to my lifelong lover to whom I have been married 36 years?

A: Retirement changes everything. Normally, husbands find the retirement transition difficult. Unfortunately, often husbands voice their frustrations to the one they love most, YOU! Over the working years, husbands develop a routine. As retirees, men become equal regardless of their past career positions, and they miss their buddies.

He has probably found that building new relationships with people who have similar avocations takes time and patience. As you are now spending 24 hours together, privacy should be scheduled. That needs to be worked out by every couple. One technique is planned communication. Before your daily dinner, have a coffee or a glass of wine to unwind and discuss your mutual thoughts and feelings. Does he really understand your thinking and your unhappiness? Does he realize compromise may be in order? For example, if you are shopping or playing bridge, you may need to show him what is in the refrigerator for him to fix lunch.

Ask him about his day and what he would like you to do tomorrow. Could we see that new movie, or shall we ask the grandchildren over for the holiday? Become a team again; love is what makes it happen.

In time, he will understand that retirement is not a one-way street -- it takes two to make a happy retirement!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com